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 Jokes!

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Templar

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Number of posts : 66
Localisation : U.S.
Registration date : 2007-08-25

PostSubject: Jokes!   Sun Aug 26, 2007 12:41 am

Ok, since I'm bored, I decided to make a jokes thread. Post any jokes you find amusing here. I'll go first:


The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background
checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two
men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large
metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow
your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room
you will find your wife sitting in a chair.. Kill Her!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your
wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and
went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came
out with tears in his eyes, " I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go
home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instruction,
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots
were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging
on the walls
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there
stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "The gun is loaded
with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."


Ok, and here is another one:

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman
who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the
bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her
skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the
first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she
reached behind herself to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this
would give her enough slack to raise her leg enough in the confines
of her skirt.

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to
unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the
step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg
enough to make the step.

With another little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to
unzip a little more and still unable to make the step. About this
time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up
easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled,
"How dare you touch me?! I don't even know you!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree
with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured
we was friends."
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Meredith



Number of posts : 62
Age : 29
Registration date : 2007-08-24

PostSubject: Re: Jokes!   Sun Aug 26, 2007 9:32 pm

Haha, those are great! The second one is my favorite. Here is the old, but never tiresome muffin one:

So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.

They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"

And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"

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Shifter

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Number of posts : 73
Age : 28
Localisation : somewhere I belong
Registration date : 2007-07-23

PostSubject: Re: Jokes!   Thu Aug 30, 2007 11:57 pm

Haha, I loved the bus one. lol!

Warning - the ones I'm about to post are lame.

Okay so a guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphault under his arm, and he says, "I'd like a beer...and another one for the road!"

Q: What is the biggest diamond in the world?
A: A baseball diamond!
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Shifter

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Number of posts : 73
Age : 28
Localisation : somewhere I belong
Registration date : 2007-07-23

PostSubject: Re: Jokes!   Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:38 pm

To all those who willfully refuse to (a) look at a map, (b) logically consider geography, or (c) think --

I do not watch hockey, wear a parka, eat caribou, hunt, fish, ski, race dogsleds, hibernate, ride a snowmobile, or live in an igloo. We have daylight year-round. The lake is not frozen. You cannot skate on it. Tim Hortons is better than Dunkin Donuts. The Skydome is not an igloo. It does not melt on the Jays when they are playing. It does not form a puddle around the CN Tower that then refreezes to make a skating rink where people play hockey. To the geographically challenged: the temperature does not drop to -273 degrees Celsius just because you cross the border. Atoms move here. We have a structure that is taller than any other on this continent. We are the 5th largest city in North America by population. We have the 3rd largest public transit system in North America based on ridership. We are the world's most multicultural city based on the percent of foreign-born residents. For the sake of mankind, just get used to it already.

Sincerely --
watchmeburn.
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